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These
are the books that I believe can make a difference in your lives
Each
book shown in this short list is a favorite of mine. My comments
will give you a brief overview of each and a link to Amazon where
you may find more details as well as prices.
Grief
and Loss
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How
To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies
Rando,
Therese A.
New York: Bantam Books, 1991, ISBN 0-553-35269-5, 339 pages |
| This
author reminds us of the importance of taking care of ourselves
while recovering from a loss. She shows us the journey we
need to traverse to find our way back to the happiness and
joy that we think has been lost forever. |
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Resilience:
How to Bounce Back When the Going Gets Tough
Flach,
Frederic
New York, 1997, Hatherleigh Press, ISBN 1-886330-95-6, 225
pages
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| With
much wisdom and expertise on the subject, the author tells
us of many ways to deal with, re-frame, and/or handle a
debilitating experience. Then we can follow the several
insightful suggestions to move beyond the awfulness of the
event that has caused our temporary retreat to a dark place
which often feels like paralysis. |
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Growing
a Healthier Self
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Forgiveness
: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart
Casarjian,
Robin
1992, Bantam Books, ISBN 0-553-35236-9
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the most important concept presented here is that the act
of forgiveness, which can take time, but will ultimately
allow the victim (the abused), to find freedom from the
pain caused by the harm inflicted. This action of forgiving
- which we do primarily for ourselves - allows us to declare
our integrity. |
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Worry
Hallowell,
Edward M.
The Ballantine Publishing Group, 1997, ISBN 0-345-42458-1
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numerous easy methods that Hallowell outlines, can surely
teach us to be free from all those repetitive habits we
have developed over our lifetimes. It is those many little
actions/thoughts to which we succumb when stressed. But
of course, to make them work - we must practice! Practice!
Practice! He gives us constructive strategies to assist
us in the necessary changes. |
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Facing
Codependence : What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages
Our Lives
Mellody,
Pia, with Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller
San Francisco: Harper, 1989, ESBN 0-06-250589-0
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| A
must read for anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family.
(And of course, the perfectly functioning family exists
only in the textbook!) The
author has been one of the most important writers over
many years on this subject. She has faced and lived through
the deadly condition known as codependence - where we
take care of others to the detriment of ourselves. We
often didn’t even have a “self” and
need to learn how to develop one. We grew up not understanding
what “boundaries” are all about. |
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Healing
the Child Within
Whitfield,
Charles W., M.D.
Health Communications, Inc. ISBN 0-932194-40-0, 141 pages
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| This
would be the “how to” book to read after learning
from Pia Mellody (book just above) just what codependence
is all about. Dr. Whitfield shows us where to begin to heal
ourselves from the painful past and begin a new journey
toward emotional wholeness. Both books are “must reads”
for those seeking to move beyond the past - those early
years when we simply did not receive all that we needed
to become fully functioning adults. And here we learn how
to be our own best parent. |
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The
Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process
and Compulsive Behavior
Nakken,
Craig
Hazelden Foundation, 1996, ISBN 1-56838-129-8, 132 pages
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| If
you do not understand what is meant by an addictive personality,
this book clearly outlines and explains the condition.
In
our highly technological and fast paced life more and
more people seem to need to reach out to some form (outside
of the self) of self-soothing, just to survive. Nakken
succinctly delineates just what addiction is all about
and how one can make recovery a reality.
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Life
Transitions:
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The
Seasons of a Man's Life
Levinson,
Daniel, et.al.
1986, ISBN 0-345-33901-0
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New
Passages
Sheehy,
Gail and Joelle Delbarton (Eds.)
1995, ISBN 0-345-40445-9
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Understanding
Men's Passages : Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives
Sheehy,
Gail
1999, ISBN 0-345-40690-7
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as the book titles suggest - the three books above are fascinating
to all who would enjoy observing the overall movement we
make as we travel through our lives - experiencing the many
stages. We see that letting go of the past and choosing
to progress to new ways of being can be energy consuming
but rewarding! An
interesting note - upon completion of Understanding Men’s
Passages, Sheehy notes that she was aware that far more
women than men would read this book! And it was such fun!
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Relationships:
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How We Love
Milan and Kay Yerkovich
ISBN 978-1-4000-7299-6, Publ - WaterBrook Press
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| A must read for all who would seek to find the joy and satisfaction of true intimacy within your relationship. The authors draw on the powerful tool of attachment theory to show how your early life experiences created an "intimacy imprint" - an underlying blueprint that shapes your behavior, beliefs, and expectations of all relationtionships, particularly your marriage. |
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Getting
the Love You Want : A Guide for Couples
Hendrix,
Harville
Owl Books, 2001, ISBN 0805068953, 320 pages
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Keeping
The Love You Find
Hendrix,
Harville
Pocket Books, 1992, ISBN 0671734202, 325 pages
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of Hendrix's books are based on the premise that we tend
to pick a partner (unconsciously of course) who possesses
both the negative and positive qualities of our imperfect
parent or caregiver. But then, over time, sees that the
negative qualities found in our parents seem to become predominant
And, in our present “throw away” culture - many
people simply end the relationship at this point.
However, it is here that the author challenges us to work
through the problems - for within a relationship is the
best place to learn about one’s self. He suggests
that instead of searching for the right partner, why not
think of being the right partner.
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Do
I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?
Paul,
Jordan and Margaret Paul
CompCare Publ. 2nd ed., 2002, ISBN 0-89638-063-7
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Passionate
Marriage : Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed
Relationships
Schnarch,
David
New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1997. ISBN 0-8050-5826-5,
432 pages
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| Without
question - the underlying theme of both the Pauls’
and Schnarch’s books is that in order to achieve intimacy
in our relationships we need to be emotionally healthy,
i.e., possess a strong sense of self. And by intimacy, we
mean the willingness, the ability to share with each other
our deepest secrets, our most tender thoughts/feelings.
Dr. Schnarch does deal openly and explicitly
with sexual issues - but this writer believes the information
given can surely be enlightening and helpful.
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How
to Be an Adult in Relationships : The Five Keys to Mindful
Loving
Richo,
David
Shambala Publ., 2002, ISBN 1-57062-812-2, 245 pages
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| “Most
people think of love as a feeling” says Dr. Richo,
“but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being
present.” This book offers a fresh perspective on
love and relationship - one that focuses not on finding
the ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic
person. The author draws on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness,
and explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they
play a key role in our relationships throughout life. |
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